hi and bye

it was that song – that eminem sang with rihanna – i love the way you lie. Yes when most people hear about it they would probably think that it’s so stupid… why would someone, or anyone be that stupid to get involved in such a destructive relationship with anyone?

When i hear that song… i see flashbacks and memories. As if 5 years of abuse is not enough, i gotta add another4 to it… and as if it’s not enough to kill me inside, then i gotta do stupid shits to make things worse. Sure it’s not the end of the world, hey i can still walk and talk, i still got a job and i still work, i can think, i can see, in other words – i am alive.. even though barely… but still it’s shitty. people tell me shit happens, i tell myself shits happen.

if this is it for me, then i guess i gotta make the most of it before i say asta la vista… apparently judging from the reaction i got, i fucked it up again today…. and yeah… how many time can one seriously fuck up things? apparently in my case, every thing related to my personal life is fucked… by me or by others…

when my time comes, i guess i can only pray that they will forget the wrong that i’ve done.. i hope people will be able to remember me for the person i really am… i’m sorry i’m such a disappointment to some of you… i tried my best.. really .. i have